yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
