every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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