No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize