Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
