I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
