worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
