Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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