the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
