Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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