whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you would pick up someone in the library
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
