my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
