I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
