There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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