6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
