she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
