so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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