I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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