i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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