Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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