i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
