so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
