It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just pee around me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
