I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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