arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
