chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
