If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
