Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
