We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
