Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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