My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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