Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
