It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
