I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
