At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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