Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
