Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
