Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
