I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
