Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
