I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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