Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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