I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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