Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
