Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
