I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So vagazzling was a success
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
