I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
