he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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