The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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