Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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