dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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