white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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