did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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