I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
