I'm going to jail i love you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
