I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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