there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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