One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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