I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
