i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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