I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize