I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
