you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
